Life Is Full Of Delightful Melody

It's hard to see but her red bag says she loves me.
Not pictured is the title of the game, "Little Pinco." I don't know if that's a pro-communist message or not.
This notebook was left in my classroom by a male high school student. I would've been beaten up for carrying one of these around back at good ol' Palm Desert High.



More insanely happy English sloganeering.

I Thought I Found My Local Nazi Party Headquarters

And that I could finally pay off all the back dues I still owe them...

But it turned out to be a Buddhist temple instead.

Sympathy For The Octopus

Koreans eat dog which is considered a national yet somewhat secret delicacy but I'm more disturbed by their consumption of octopus. Ask any Hindu and they'll agree that having eight arms is a sign of perfection. The Pythagorean octave, Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Sol-La-Ti-Do is embodied in these highly sensitive creatures who can conform to any surrounding patterned background instantly through consciously directed skin pigment alteration or eject of a cloud of black ink to confound predators. Yet these sensitive and intelligent creatures are harvested in this country solely for the purpose of improving male impotence. My opinion: Get yr boners somewhere else, tough guy. Whenever I pass them in seafood tanks I have to fight the urge to free them from their fate of becoming soup by turning the tank over and letting them spill into a sewer grate that leads back to the sea. Maybe humankind can only progress by first putting another in it's place and if that's the case my vote goes to the octopus.

That said I accidentally ordered some octopus the other day by mistaking the white meat mixed with vegetables in the photo on the menu for chicken. It was actually pretty good, but still, you know, there's dumber animals out there that are just as tasty.

We're All Evo

Soju and Devo help one to understand the sense and purpose of human life in the universe.

It's a Ripoff

The biggest supermarket in Korea is called E-mart. I went there to buy a tube of toothpaste and a few other sundries. When I got to the check out line an older Western woman in front kept looking me over with a palpable intensity. I began to feel uncomfortable and she finally said "I'm sorry to bother you, but you look exactly my son who died in the Iraq war and we used to shop here together all the time." I didn't know what to say. "You know, if you wouldn't mind, could you please just say 'Bye Mom!' to me when I leave?" I thought about it for a moment and said, "Sure." Still unsure of where this was going. She gathered her items and turned to me and said "Goodbye son!" enthusiastically. "Bye Mom!" I uttered feeling strange. She left and the cashier rang up me up. The price displayed on the screen was 60,000 Won. This was far more than the cost of what I had bought. "Mistake." I said, "I've only got this toothpaste, Windex, and a pen." I hoped the cashier would understand my English. "Your mother said you pay for her." He responded matter of factly. It suddenly hit me that I'd been scammed. "That wasn't my mother!" The cashier said, "She say, Goodbye son." Wait one moment," I told the cashier, "I'll be back." and I rushed out to the subway terminal and found her just entering the turnstiles. I grabbed her by the leg and starting pulling it to drag her back to the store...I pulled and pulled... just like I'M PULLIN YOUR LEG RIGHT NOW!

Harhar!

I used this joke as an ice breaking opener at the Gepik orientation. 50% of the time it didn't really go over too well. Most of them actually got offended that I would dare to bullshit them with my bullshit amongst all their various bullshit. The original version was written by Jack Kerouac and perpetuated by Tom Waites on his last album.

Sound of Vitality

Gepik, the government organization responsible for hiring and grooming native English speakers for the public schools around Seoul, held its 2010 Orientation this week. Hundreds of honkys were bussed out to the country to lodge in a sort of hillside estate with lecture halls, a cafeteria, and dormitories. The forested surroundings were blooming with white blossoms and a hiking trail wound around the campus so one could steal off between lectures to take in some Korean natural scenery; a nice contrast to being in the sprawl of the megalopolis this past month. Seeing the variety of people who decided to move here and teach was interesting. The ages ran from early twenties to late forties. America, Canada, The UK, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa were all in the house. We were greeted by a crew of entirely female Korean coordinators who were kind of like a cross between Summer camp counselors and hot James Bond Villainesses, treading the line between accommodating hostess and sharp whip cracking dragon ladies keeping us individualistic Westerners on a carefully orchestrated time schedule composed of compulsory group activities. Another Korean company's stay happened to over lap ours and you could hear them every once in awhile all whooping some corporate war cry out in the forest while presumably engaged in synchronized calisthenics . We had it easy I guess. The opening ceremony was actually amazing. A group of traditional Korean dancers marched into the auditorium beating drums and blaring horns. They performed a series of whirling dervish-like dances that built up in speed and intensity. My interest in esoteric knowledge and mysticism lent me some insight into the meaning symbolized by the movements. Attached to a ball and socket joint in the headdress of each dancer was about a meter length of pliant tubing with a white globe at the end. By swiveling their necks they got the white ball to rhythmically orbit their bodies like a small planet in time with the music and dance. The lead dancer had the largest globe and it was plumed with white feathery radiations like a shining star. Koreans have been living on this peninsula for thousands of years and it was fascinating to see their culture has retained an interpretation of the generation and movement of the mental body, or the higher self, which traditionally manifests as a white auric halo above the head which can be strengthened through circulation exercises and eventually used as a sort of psychic appendage.

Anyhow. The nights turned into Spring Break 2010 American style and the onsite convenience store lived up to it's name by providing a seemingly endless flow of cheap Korean beer, cigarettes and snacks. I did my best to overcome shyness, just a form of inverted arrogance, and tried to think of other things to talk about besides the symbolic retention of the possibility of psychic evolution by Korean folk dances or the awesomeness of the new Fall LP "Yr Future, Our Clutter" which were forefront in my mind. I had a rough time navigating the typical but met a few cool individuals, got some smiles from cute chicks and in the end was able to appreciate the whole affair for all it was worth.

Rating of Korean Beers

Korean beer is bland, watery pilsner with little kick but most have their own unintentionally hilarious English slogans.

1. Cass, "Sound of Vitality" (when you crack one open near your ear you can hear Dionysius hollering in the wilderness)

2. Max, "Delicious Idea" (haha)

3. Hite, "Open Up!" (ok!)

Now At The Top Of Happiness

South Korea is a country enjoying the successes of early capitalism. My first weekends here were about learning how to get around with the efficient public transportation system to buy household necessities in huge subterranean malls echoing with pop music, getting weird snacks and taking in the sights. Doing all this shopping and enjoying my leisure time was actually exhausting after the long hours of the 5 day work week and if I wasn't in a new country I'd probably be at home sleeping. It hit me how all of this civically systematized consumerism was carefully designed by the patriarchal Confucian founders of Korea to keep the working masses busy and feeling rewarded by their paychecks. I don't see anything sinister in this but it did make me worry about holding to my goal of continuing to write and think in spheres beyond the mundane. This country's so small that nationwide organization is easily implemented. For instance I can pay all my bills at any ATM, I have a transportation card that works on all buses and trains everywhere and can be recharged at any convenience store, and if I was a Korean citizen my cell phone would be free. This all makes for a happy consumer driven economy where everyone can afford to eat out every night and go to the beach on the weekend. The South Koreans look up to America as an ideal. We saved them from a communist invasion led by their evil twin who were backed by the Chinese juggernaut. The failure of communist North Korea 50 years later in contrast to the South's rapid rise to wealth must be a bittersweet thing for the people here. It seems to be reflected in strained insistence on only focusing on the good times in all English statements. Nobodies wearing any ironic t-shirts. It makes me wonder where this is all going. Will Korea be able to learn from the U.S's mistakes; circumvent the straits leading to an obese, diabetic fast food eating population, psychopathic children killing their classmates, and legions of drooling morons? It concerns me to see overly packed Dunkin Donuts getting more business than the traditional restaurants in the subway stations. I got a meal composed of rice, various fresh vegetables, with a little minced bbq'd meat, an egg, never ending side dishes of pickled cabbage, radish, bean sprouts, seaweed and soup for less than 3 bucks. Then I walked over to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee after and ended up paying six bucks for a lentil curry stuffed donut (which was pretty good) and blueberry donut with the black coffee. The prices are inflated for the allure of the American brand name but it just felt stupid to be paying so much for coffee and a couple of donuts.

Thrill Deck

One of the tallest buildings in Seoul is called Building 63. Up at the top is the Sky Art Gallery with a 360 view of the metropolis. There's an area of sandwiched glass and mirrors called the "Thrill Deck" that gave me the opportunity to take pretentious pix of myself.

Obama Hanging out with Dracula

Huh.

Sidewalk Seafood Tanks

Tanks full of live seafood set up outside restaurants on the sidewalks of Bucheon make a walk to get dinner sort of like strolling through an urban aquarium. I assume the idea is to give potential customers an indication of the freshness of the food but since I don't really dig seafood yet enjoy watching eels and flounder swim around I started taking photos.

This was taken in the sporting goods section of a large department store in downtown Bucheon. It encourages the reader to buy spandex clothing for the gym by suggesting that life is more rewarding when you exercise hard, much the same way Nike once did with their "Just Do It" slogan. When I was in my early twenties I saw an African American gentleman win the lottery at a 7-11 in Dallas, Texas. When he slapped the counter and shouted in jubilation I turned to look. He was wearing a "Just Did It" t-shirt. This made a huge impression on me and changed the way I look at life. "Just Did It" was my mantra for a long time. Something similar happened to me when I saw this sign. I've decided to name this web log after it so as to remind myself throughout this year that I will be in Korea of the most important thing: "Must Do Change!"