It would be in the tradition of Steven Wright or Mitch Hedburg and go something like this:
"I was in a petrified forest and someone said something gloomy so I went to knock on wood but realized I was knocking on stone and just wounding my hand."
(wait for scattered uncertain chuckling to die down)
"Men with lisps are full of selth loafing."
(a rise of stronger more concentrated chuckles)
"I got my entire body tattooed with an exact replica of myself in flesh tones. Yr looking at it right now."
(genuine laughter arises, perhaps a woman uncontrollably shrieks)
"Do you hear about the Polack that tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the wrists? The second shot was really difficult."
(laughter starts strong but trails off into confused muttering as they wonder wether the image is too racist or gruesome to be funny)
"Popcorn's good. So's puffed rice. That's why I want to heat up a coconut until it explodes into one edible mass.
(audience roars and guffaws, some people stand up and applaud, a lady throws her little cocktail umbrella onto the stage where it falls delicately at my feet)
"Thank you Afghanistan! I love you! Good night!"
(exit stage)
how did you know that I, a woman, would find that one joke the funniest? Well, keep at it Cole man. I still remember visiting you in Korea Town and you playing Mitch Hedburg for me for the first time. I never understood anything as easily as I did Mitch. I mean I laugh at Neil Hamburger but he can never come up with "I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway." or "I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait"
ReplyDelete"I was going to get my teeth whitened but then I was like fuck that, I'll just get a tan instead."
ReplyDelete